timecannotberewritten:

dovahqueene:

iwishlilbwasmygrandpa:

There are thousands of half-babies in my ballsack and that’s terrifying

at least you don’t bleed them out every month

you make a compelling argument

pinenolanapple:

it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”

urbasic-xo:

ipoog:

giving someone a boner is the most satisfying simple pleasure life can offer

fasterfood:

why the hell do babies cry after they shit themselves like u got urself into this mess buddy dont make it everyone else’s problem. like have some fuckin responsibility for once

radgrl:

wow im hungry time for a small midnight snack like a few crackers or a dozen donuts and a steak

going to school:  late
going to a doctors appointment:  late
going to a dentist appointment:  late
going to my friends house:  late
going to a party:  late
going to a concert:  8 hours early